Ups, Downs & Wet Sponges..

I can't believe it's been 2 months since my last rant..& so much has happened I've no idea where to start!

Well, against all odds we pulled off our first festival with The Something Else Tea Tent at Bearded Theory in May..& what a gorgeous little festival it was. The weather was very British, but everything else was perfect. The organisers are amazing people & I've built what I think is a lasting friendship with them..

My old Dad had a nasty fall a few weeks ago, & has had an 'inconclusive' chest x-ray..he turned 87 last week & struggles to get his non-sensical words out now..bless him..

My car..well, I thought I was being followed by a rowdy boy racer a few weeks ago, until he turned off & I could still here the horrific noise..I had a look underneath to see a hole the size of my head in the exhaust..adding that to all her other problems, she has now gone to the great scrappy in the sky..well, in Lydney actually..& I have a car with an 'i' on the end now & can overtake without dropping to 2nd :)

My boy has seen the Coeliac specialist, & we are on the verge of making him ill so he can have a biopsy..I've had to make a big fuss about being in theatre with him..he's 3..he's not going under a general without his Mum holding his hand & that is that..

I've made the painful decision to shut my shop..times are hard, & retail is even harder, so as soon as I find a taker for my lease, I'm out..though the festivals are firmly where I'm headed..we're working 4 this year, & have at least 10 lined up for next year..& when you can take the same in a field on a weekend as you can take in a shop in a month, it seems crazy to do anything else..4 years of building it from nothing, with nothing & it will tug..but on occasion I do think with my head..

Writing? Still keeping my hand in, but mostly poetry..in fact, ridiculous amounts of poetry..all rhyming of course, so some would say it's not 'real'..but I like it :)
Still ahven't heard back about Save the World..it's 3 months on Tuesday since I submitted with illustrations, & I did email a little while ago to make sure it had got there ok as other emails I sent at the same time didn't, but I got no reply :(
Little Tiger Press rejected 3 of my kids rhyming picture books, but I didn't expect much else really..

Glastonbury..
Sunburn on noses and no need for wellies
Big splif in one hand & beer in our bellies
Beautiful flags all tied up with strings
These are a few of our festival things..

Colourful folk & walls full of doodles
All kinds of munch from ostrich to noodles
Night time & all of the madness it brings
These are a few of our festival things..

When your band’s on
When your tents up
& you’re feeling glad
Simply breathe deeply & ponder the fact
The next few days willlllllll be mad !!

My brother is coming! It's his first time (at 41) & I'm so excited he's doing it with me..& my friend Jacq..my luvvly travelling buddy..
The camper is raring to go..just got to pack all my gear in, touch up my roots & buy lots of cider, boxes of wine & bacon & bread..I've already ground the coffee etc..
My practical half is staying home with the kids while I disappear for my annual blow-out..& my 4 yr old girl isn't worried because she gets to throw wet sponges at her headmistress at the school garden party on the Saturday..not sure she should be quite as excited about that as she is, but hey ho..apple..tree..

I'm sure there's loads more to tell, but my head has left the building..

Speak soon..x

Muddy Fields, Cake & Beards...

Well, I'm finally off dial-up..my teenager was left at home with her friend for one day in the holidays and managed to break the wifi & bugger up the phones..then spent the rest of her time off whinging because she couldn't 'chat' online to the boy she likes..still, all good now :)


Where to start..ah, Glastonbury..I was up at the crack on that Sunday morning..both pc's set up & ready for battle! By 9.20am I'd not only got my group's tickets, but various friends aswell. I spent the morning 'bathed in gold' & one lot drove 60 miles to bring me festival strength Brother's Pear Cider! After a few hours of drunkenly jumping around chanting 'Piiiiiiillllllllllttttttooooooon' in deep manly voices, we caught the news saying how it hadn't sold out..nobody cared by then though..we were going..now I just have to learn how to drive our old Dodge camper..





..and polish my wellies..

The festival season kicks off in less than 4 weeks for us..we've got a stall & a huge tea tent at the Bearded Theory Festival in the middle of May. We're also hosting the open mic sessions in the tent..and Rev Hammer will be doing a spot! The planning is knackering us out..making list after list, and knowing we don't have the funds for at least another week to get fully equipped..apart from all the obvious equipment we will be taking..and offering..

Freshly ground Fair Trade Coffee of every genre..Juices & Smoothies..

Hot Chocolate Heaven..made with liquid chocolate - dark or white - & covered in cream & sprinkles of your choice (fudge chips are my favourite)..

FT Tea, Red Label, Herbal, Fruit & Chai..Vanilla, Spiced & Peppermint..


You can't beat Peppermint Chai with a tot of Brandy in for cockle-warming..


Then there's the cakes..


Choc Fudge, White Choc & Cranberry, Dorset Apple Cake, Lemon & Blueberry, Cappuccino, Lux Carrot & Walnut, Lux Coffee & Walnut, Peach Melba, Banana & Choc..

Muffins, Giant Cookies, Crumble Cake, Caramel Shortbread & Cupcakes..

..all served in/on 100% biodegradable cups & plates..organic milk, GM Free, free-range eggs etc etc..

Then there's the stall, but that's pretty easy..I'll just take the contents of the shop..& the landlord will no doubt sweat for a few days thinking we may have done a runner..

..and then there's the beards..the festy organisers asked if we could sell some..as it's compulsory to wear a beard at the event..I've just managed to source some..I just hope they sell! :)






My writing is all over the place at the moment..I put Aisling Dreams away a couple of weeks ago with the intention of getting it out for one more re-write before I blanket sub it..I've drafted out the mirror book, What Reality? and started writing it properly..I've written it in the first person to challenge myself, but I think that will change..

I've got an urge buzzing around my head that just won't go away..to write about my Nan..she had my Dad illegitimately in 1921 & kept him..she was only 17! Disowned by most of her well-to-do family she moved to the midlands where the father lived, but he wasn't interested..she was put together with a one-armed man 20 years older than her..he tried to chop one of her arms off with an axe, but just cut her badly..he then went to prison & she married him when he came out! Then had my Dad share her bed until he was 12 so she didn't have to sleep with him..and on it goes

I won the Flash Poetry challenge on WW this week and am still in shock! I think my poetry is crap..it always rhymes and it's simple to read..it was 'Wasp' ( see a few blogs down )..x

List

Inspired by IreneintheWorld..

1971 - Born in a shitty little town in the Midlands.
1975 - Grab Mummy's hand in Woolworths and she leads me out. Except it wasn't my Mummy! Rescued at the door.
1976 - Stung by a bee very close to my eye.
1977 - Father bankrupt. Move from posh house to council house. First continental quilt.
1981 - Maternal brother no.1 has a hit record and I am everyone's new best friend.
1982 - Move to Somerset with my retiring parents. Top sets at school.
1984 - Maternal brother no.2 announces that he's gay.
1985 - Paternal brother appears after years with a sob story and is taken in. Or at least my parents were. And me. Paternal brother (then 29yrs old) tricks me to the flat he's looking after and rapes me. Told mother. Secret kept.
1986 - Dropped from top sets at school. Mostly concentrating on solvent and alcohol abuse. Got the lead in the school play. Got a modern languages award.
1987 - Left school. 4 O Levels. 4 CSE's. Left home to live with 2 gay blokes. Decided to be gay too. Got YTS. Dropped solvents and replaced with marijuana, speed and acid. Festival bug begins.
1989 - Sold kitchens door to door before getting 'proper work' in a taxi office.
1990 - Got promoted to controller in aforementioned taxi office. Met and got together with daughter no.1's Dad. Found cocaine and magic mushrooms.
1991 - Bought a Commer Highwayman and travelled all over the UK and Europe.
1992 - Got domestically savaged. Got clean. Got pregnant. Got married.
1993 - Got fat. Got a broken doorframe over the back. Gave birth. Got 52 frigging stitches from doing so. Got a beautiful healthy baby. Got peace.
1995 - Got divorced. Got alcohol and drug-fuelled again, though mostly at weekends when daughter no.1 was at Dads or Nans. Travelled. Started an Art degree course. Dropped out due to feeling boxed in. Got a management job.
1996 - Got with an alcoholic type. Travelled.
1997 - Found my Mum's family ( another story ). Started a business with the Princes Trust help - searching out lost relatives. Bought a bass guitar and learned to play it.
1998 - Expanded to genealogy. Tried to remove alky type...and failed. Went to Argentina. Saw the Iguazu waterfalls with great friend. Maternal brother no.1 marries the daughter of someone very famous.
1999 - Married alky type on the stage at Reading Festival. Said I'd give it a year. So did my friends. Got sterilized. Joined a band.
2000 - Great friend's baby is still-born. Much sorrow. Got rid of alky type on 1st anniversary. Got divorced. Had a blow out. Went to Dahab in Egypt with above-mentioned great friend to help her mend. Very, very special friend dies of cancer.
2001 - Got together with an old friend. Cleaned right up. Not even a glass of wine in the evening. Just the odd smoke. Got nightmares. Got married at Gretna Green on my birthday. Honeymooned in an old transit on the banks of Loch Ness. Got to face up. Spoke to police. They got paternal brother. He got 6 1/2 years. I got closure. Old friend/new husband fell off ladders and smashed his foot.
2002 - Move to the forest. Paternal brother got cancer and died. Had sterilization reversed. Pregnant 7 weeks later. Happy.
2003 - Daughter no.2 born. Very happy days.
2004 - Daughter no.1 passes entry tests to Grammar School. Very proud days. Get pregnant.
Open a baby shop.
2005 - My Dad is diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Son born. Scary caesarean. All ok in the end. Named after my Dad. More happy days. Gorgeous husband builds business back up though not really recovered.
2006 - Move shop premises. Change stock. Become Fair Trade bonkers. Daughter no.1 decides grass is greener at her Dads and goes back to Somerset. Sad days. Got Highly commended for customer service and window display.
2007 - Open coffee bar in shop. Son diagnosed with Coeliac after 6 months of illness and dropping to 15lbs. Daughter no.1 returns and gets accepted into her old school. Daughter no.2 starts school and adores it. Gorgeous husband looks after the brood while I trample mud at various festivals. Got an NVQ Level 3 in Retail Management. Move shop to a busier town.
2008 - Wrote a children's 30,000 word novel in 6 weeks. Joined Writewords. Wrote some other stuff. Drew illustrations for an eco-kid rhyme I wrote. Submitted it and some other work. Getting ready to work and play the festivals...

There's loads more..like I can enjoy a glass of wine without feeling the need to down the bottle..pretty clean living these days..and despite it reading a bit gloomy, my smile lines are deep and my sunny disposition rules :) x

Birthdays, Books and Bootloops..

Another manic weekend has drawn to a close..though I'm still feeling it!

My son's 3rd birthday dominated and we pulled it off on a shoestring..his Dad finished building the huge hand-made garage, the main present, at 10.30pm on Friday..and then it was down to me to paint it..I knew when the project started that I'd be up until stupid o'clock painting and varnishing in the half-light of energy saving bulbs..2.30am I finished it..well, the walls and road and grass were painted on..getting arty with it is for another day..

My boy spent the entire Saturday playing with his garage and his selection of new cars and trucks..he paused only to eat. I managed to open the shop for a few hours in the morning, which was just as well, as it was busy..not too busy to read almost half of Anne Brooke's Thorn in the Flesh though..more about that later..

We had friends come up to stay on Saturday, so a huge pot of veggie chilli hit the stove, and a bigger than lifesize gluten-free chocolate hedgehog cake was built by my own fair hand..I'm not what you'd call a domestic goddess..though I'm allegedly a fine cook of un-normal things (I think that was a compliment)..the cake was good though..good enough for seconds all round..

The birthday celebrations continued way after my son and all the other kids had crashed out and we were hanging on Sunday morning..

..but, the sun was warm, and the West Midlands Safari Park beckoned..a fantastic day out..it always is..

Three stand out moments..

The couple who smirked at me and then each other..
"Wow, kids, come and look at the tortoises.."
I hadn't seen the two having a good old public rut at the front of the tank and waited for the "What are they doing, Mummy?"

We were sat in the usual traffic jam by the camels when one of them stuck it's head inside the car in front and reappeared with a guide book in it's mouth..had a good chew and proceeded to fight with another camel over it..
My 4yr old decided to chuck a crisp packet out of the window because she then thought that camels ate rubbish "like Yucketypoo"!

On the second drive around ( we never get away with one ) the lions were at it..and the question came..
"They're playing" was my reply..well, it wasn't a lie..it only lasted 30 seconds and didn't look very committed..the male seemed to lose his balance..
I'm sure I saw a momentary glint of envy from my old man as we talked about how many lionesses there were to that one alpha male..mmm..

I opened my laptop up last night to find it stuck in a ruddy bootloop..again..and I had no files backed up..again!
This happened last year and I paid a techie £45 to sort it so I didn't lose everything on it..and my son deleted Aisling Dreams the other week which I got back with the help of a another techie..why don't I back up? It's like some mental block..
Second to the fact that all my writing is on here, so was the email with my Glastonbury registration number on it..which I'll need on Sunday to try and get a ticket..

So I spent Sunday evening reading the rest of Thorn in the Flesh..which I thought was brilliant, both in it's plot and writing..it stirs all sorts of emotions..some familiar, some not, some good, some bad..thanks Anne x

After being told the techie's couldn't guarantee my laptop back before next Monday, I decided to tamper myself..six hours later, and here I am, writing this blog on my suddenly super-fast system..feeling a little smug after beating the Trojan whores..

So I feel like I've done something with my writing today, I've submitted the poem a couple of blogs down to the Alzheimer's Association, though I doubt they'll publish it for obvious reasons..

Sunshine, submissions & lack of pain..

Wow..what a beautiful warm, sunny day! Yesterday was like winter, and I wonder what season tomorrow will choose..

I finished my final draft illustrations yesterday for a little picture book I've written and emailed them off to the publisher that showed some interest..and the wait begins again. This time feels different though. I think it may be because my 4yr old girl wanted me to make it into a book for her, so I produced a mock-up, and it looked so sweet and so real..she slept with it last night, took it to school today and has to take it back for show and tell. It has a great message and I so hope it gets taken on..
I've got my novel out to a couple of agents, and 3 picture book stories in the slush pile of Little Tiger Press..they've been there a month now..only two more to go..
I've entered half a dozen competitions, completed a short draft of the mirror novel to my children's book, and outlined another project about the 1920's..and I've risen to Beanie's challenge on WW..

Talking of Beanie, or Jilly Henderson-Long, see FiftyNotOut..10 copies of her book 'YucketyPoo - the Monster that Grew and Grew' arrived at my shop today, and 3 are spoken for already ( including the one I brought home ) ..it's brilliant..every child should have one..

I've just bought Anne Brooke's 'Thorn in the Flesh' from here and, after reading the extracts, can't wait for it to arrive..

My lovely, clever, practical half has made great progress with our son's hand-made garage..it's huge!

My almost 15yr old daughter got an A* for a medieval short story she wrote for her english coursework..she's been writing forever too, and she's bloody good!

Oh, and I had my eyebrows waxed for the first time..I thought it'd really hurt, and was oddly disappointed when it didn't!

All in all, a good day! x

My Coeliac son and his home-made garage

I'm sat watching my practical half making a garage for our son. He'll be 3 on Saturday..bless him..we're lucky we still have him..
From his first appearance, he's had to face various challenges..not like some, I admit, but scary nonetheless..
He was a caesarean birth as I had placenta praevia. I lay there, numb from below the chest to my toes, tilted at an 'I'm gonna fall' angle, happily listening to chilled music and excited to be so close to meeting my son..
Then everyone started to shout and panic..the doctor had put her hands in to grab by precious baby and he decided he didn't want to come out and flipped round, with the cord tightening around his neck by the second..a whole two minutes passed before we heard him cry, and another two 'til we got to see him and touch him..

At eighteen months old he got a gastroenteritis (?sp) type thing that just didn't go away..dismissed by various professionals as 'winter bugs'..for 6 bloody months..
He also wasn't walking or even pulling himself up..he was a bum-shuffler and it was put down to laziness. He went for physio, and screamed the place down whenever the lady assigned to him tried to do anything with him aside wiggle her exaggerated posterior in the air..at this he laughed. She assured me that it wasn't hurting him, but I'm his mother, and his cries communicate with me like no-one else..
In the end, after he'd dropped down to 15lbs at 2 yrs old..he'd stopped shuffling..his healthy appetite had completely diminished..he was fading away and it seemed like no-one could help..I did the no-no and typed his symptoms into the internet..
Then I took him back to the doctor the next morning and told him that my son had Coeliac disease..I know they don't like that, and I wouldn't dream of telling anyone who's studied for hundreds of years how to do their job, but my beautiful little boy was losing his fight and no-one seemed that bothered..anyway, he took poo samples to eliminate salmonella etc (why hadn't that been done before?) and agreed to give me a prescription for some gluten-free bread, pasta etc..

Coeliac - your immune system attacks gluten as if it's a virus and then destroys the villi on the stomach lining..the 'fingers' that absorb nutrients..symptoms include joint pain, bloating, diarrhoea, nausea, weight loss etc etc

Within a week of changing his diet, my boy was pulling himself up on the furniture, eating, gained a couple of pounds, and pushed out a proper poo!

Within a month he was walking..and happy, gaining weight nicely..all good.

He's a tiny thing..he looks 2yrs old, not nearly 3..and we have to watch him..the tiniest mouthful of gluten, or playing with normal playdoh, and he's ill..

He eats like a man to sustain his tiny frame, and when he's poorly now..like the last 10 days he's been down with Glandular fever with a secondary infection..he just shrinks..

Still, I know he's on the mend, because all I've heard all day is 'I want food to eat.'

There are much worse things to have and deal with, and once he's passed the taking his own lunchbox to friend's birthday parties etc, he'll be fine..they even do gluten-free beer now..

His garage is starting to take shape..I can't wait to get my paintbrushes on it..

Teamwork..he's the practical and hands on..I'm the creative head in the clouds..if we had each others traits my house would be proper clean..x

Farewell, so long..

Why won’t it stop ticking
That old heart of yours?
Mine swells with love
As I long to press pause

And rewind to days
That passed with such haste
And led to this half-life
So bitterly laced

With pain when I see you
And when I don’t, guilt
That scratches and nibbles
As I wish you weren’t built

With such a strong body
Yet weakened of mind
My heart longs for freedom
From this heavy bind.

.

(c) Gail Stacey 2008

An understanding..

I know that technically it's Springtime, but, considering how ridiculously cold it feels, especially in the snow flurries we've had, the last thing I expected to see today was a...

.

Wasp

We’re not so different

Yes, you and I

Okay, so I’m grounded

And you can fly.

We both seem to work hard

Yes, you and I

At seeking a safe place

To multiply.

And when we feel threatened

Yes, you and I

We instinctively lash out

It’s do or die.

We share love of sugar

Yes, you and I

Though I get mine without making

Small children cry.

We can both be grumpy

Yes, you and I

Especially when waving

Summer goodbye.

So we have an understanding?

Yes, me and you

Stay out of my house and I

Won’t kill you.

.

(c) Gail Stacey 2008

Easter snow & a turkey? No..

It's now officially spring & I watched the snow falling through my chocolate hand-printed window this morning..it's not good..yet still one of my neighbours takes her kids to school in her gas-guzzler..it's 120 yards away! She also claims that recycling is for hippies..in fact, I'd go as far to say that she is to our village what the USA is to the rest of the world..



Still, the sun is shining now & the wind has dropped..I've finished illustrations no.7 & 8 so only 4 to go..

I opened the shop for a few hours today..I had to, to pay for these..

..I know..they're bizarre..but my old 20 hole doc martens have finally split after 4 years of constant wear and wet socks annoy me more than anything else ever..especially when it takes so long to get to them..
Talking of bizarre..Easter..what is it?..like Christmas really..a load of commercial bloody nonsense..I send a card to my Mum & my Dad..oh, & my brothers..but only because they're far away..not at Easter though..I usually buy 1 extravagant egg for me & the old man to share, the evil cow fruit & veg pushing mother that I am..my kids get them from all directions..& usually for a week or two afterwards as we live away from lots of friends & family..so they don't need any from us..I despise commercialism almost as much as wet socks..

I'm glad I'm not a turkey right now..not because I'm afraid of dying..just the fear of knowing about the sage & onion thing..
We have duck..

Happy long weekend x

Are you Solar Powered?

I am for sure..It matters not that it's still bloody freezing..the sun always recharges my batteries..maybe I was a tree in a past life..or maybe not..I'm not great at the whole being rooted thing..

I got the 3rd rejection for my novel and saw my Dad yesterday with his pocket full of pamphlets and his now 30" waist..my boiler hasn't worked since Friday and no-one seems to be able to fix it..my little boy threw up all over me last night..but the sun shines and everything falls into its own little box of perspective..

It's 10am and I've already completed illustration no.6 for the eco-toddler picture book I've written..6 more to go..at this rate, it'll be back with the publisher this evening..

The boilermen have turned up..lots of umming and head-scratching going on..maybe they just like the seriously good coffee I keep firing at them..lucky they're on a price rather than an hourly rate..

My 4 1/2 yr old daughter had to take a decorated egg into school today..she fell asleep when she got home from after-school club last night so it became a 7am job..a circle of gold card with pink fluff stuck around the edge..the nest..a gold plastic egg in 2 halves..1 with stickers and zigzags..the other with a ball of purple fluff with a beak and eyes stuck on..and then some random cardboard mini-eggs..she strutted to school this morning..her beautifully crafted nest held out proudly in front of her..all her own idea..she has the most fantastic imagination and creative ability..

I hope the sun keeps shining for the festival season..the mudfests of last year were a slog to say the least..though I guess I'm what you'd call a diehard and had some major fun despite it..

The first one is only 2 months away..Bearded Theory..all in aid of Oxfam..everyone dons a beard and dances for charity..we've got a fair trade stall and a bedouin tea tent there this year..and I got an email last night asking if we'd host the open mic sessions in the tent..how cool is that? My little girl absolutely refuses to wear a beard..she's not a man and someone might pull it..

The boiler is fixed! Caffeine definitely has its plusses..

Right..on with the illustrations..

Enjoy the sunshine x

There's a hole in my bucket..

I know I'm not alone with the whole lost in the madness of reality hit..but you don't get consumed in someone elses, do you..alongside maybe, but not in it..it's a private, lonely affair..

Then you have the reality of madness..which is where I'm at..or at least my Dad is..

Alzheimer's..the brain eating, thought twisting monster that torments his day-to-day living..I don't want to be his cousin Iris, or his sweetheart..any idea how it feels when your 86 year old Dad grabs you and tries to feverishly snog your face off while calling you the little devil that he should have married while your Mum looks on..?

He's been in that space for years..rambling out the same old war story again and again like every old bugger you meet who missed the action..it was everyday, bog standard normal..then he had to deal with something big..something majorly big..and those little tormentors in his head pushed full throttle..

A frantic 2am February call two years ago whacked the cherry on hard..he'd gone home because his dinner would be ready..Mum said she'd tried to stop him but he wasn't having it..she was in her nightie..he was out in freezing temperatures..I was 50 miles away..

The police couldn't find him..he'd got completely lost in the maze of council estate back alleys..all too familiar to me but he'd never stepped off the post office route..eventually found by a dog-walker with a mobile phone..he never forgot numbers..not even now..

The very next day he was sectioned..6 weeks later he was doomed to life in a big old house that would inevitably stink of piss, mothballs and cleaning fluid..

I so badly wanted to take responsibility for him but got slapped in the face with a big 'No Way'..3 kids, 2 of them small..I wasn't suitable to look after my own father..and my mother said she couldn't cope..the love was always missing..

I found him as nice a home as there are..I worked a few places years ago..some good, some horrific..this one is as good as it gets..and it's near me..and it mostly stinks of cleaning products..

Sometimes I visit every few days..sometimes I don't go for a month..those weighing scales with guilt on one end and the most painful heartache on the other are the bane of my days..his health is almost youthful..he's kicked off half a dozen or so chest infections in the last two years..is it wrong to hope that the next one will be the last?

What I wouldn't give to sit next to him in his old van, and sing 'There's a hole in my bucket, Dear Liza' just one more time..